Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
