I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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