The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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