none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
