So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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