All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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