When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
