are you still at the devil's house?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Randomize
