So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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