Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize