She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
this boner is exhausting
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
