I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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