Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
