Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
