i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
