you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
