I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize