Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's rum buckets o'clock
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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