What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
