so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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