my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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