We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
