Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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