I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
