perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
