Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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