What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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