Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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