I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
