nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
