I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
everyone is single if you try hard enough
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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