peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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