If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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