he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
