i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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