the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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