everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
