im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
