I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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