I'm so fucking centered right now
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Rumble strips road head = magical
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
