I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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