She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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