and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
