so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
