I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just googled if crying burns calories
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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