we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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