my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
