A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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