I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
