3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
