I puked a lego.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
