sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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