I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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