anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
