Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
