there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
