dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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