I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Even my vagina gasped.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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