I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
