You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
