She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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