and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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