If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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