He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
