your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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