i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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