We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
