I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You've changed since you got that strap on
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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