so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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