Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
