I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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