Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Randomize