I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
