A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The air was thick with penises
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
