I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
