no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
