she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
