party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
