I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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