someone get that fucking seahorse.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
