Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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