I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
