I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
