The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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