if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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