you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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