some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
