I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize