I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I cannot find my penis.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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