You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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