She said her name was "party"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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