i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
