You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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