Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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