ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
