i already hear my dad disowning me
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Randomize
