McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize