Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
