is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
