he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
