Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize