Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
