cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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