I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
