your parents love me but you hate me
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i out mim tonsoeep
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize