You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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