we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Your cock deserves a montage
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize