The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
