Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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