No awkward lesbian experiences without me
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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