First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
