well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
