I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
