i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize