I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
is wine microwaveable?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
